The Power in Familiarity

Three times this week I have been reminded that in times of stress and uncertainty there is a lot to be said for doing something familiar, whether that is the music you choose to play when giving birth, the familiar books you escape into when you’re unwell or the television programmes you rewatch when everything feels difficult. When life is uncertain, even small decisions start to feel heavy.

That is exactly why the familiar becomes so valuable. It's not a distraction from the hard stuff. It's a way of automating some of your choices, so you have more space for the ones that actually matter.

Anyone who has children will recognise their penchant for having the same bedtime story read to them time after time. I must have read Postman Pat’s Difficult Day thousands of times. However much I wanted to break out something new for my little bookworms at bedtime the comfort reading of PP and his exploits was doing sterling service. I like to explore the reasons behind why things work. It’s the teacher in me, honed over many years of coaching students in the most effective ways to learn and manage their mental health. And so here is the neuroscience behind my claim.

Reading a familiar story or rewatching a favourite TV programme calms the amygdala, reduces cognitive overload and activates the parasympathetic nervous system. In this instance familiarity doesn’t breed contempt; it provides predictability and soothes an overloaded nervous system.

It’s an anchor, not an escape.

For anyone going through major upheaval like a bereavement, the breakdown of a relationship or a job loss keeping a few small, things constant will keep you afloat when the boat is rocking on stormy seas. They provide safety, a signal that you are in no danger when the situation you find yourself in is keeping you on high alert. Your heart slows down, stress hormones decrease and the familiar physically soothes your body’s stress response. When your circumstances are unpredictable, your habits don't have to be. That predictability is a resource. It's one less thing your mind has to negotiate with.

Small rituals give you real stability.

It can be as small as:

- Keeping one meal in your week that never changes

- Reading before bed, even for five minutes, no matter what the day held

- Taking the same route on a walk, even when nothing else about your day is familiar

- Returning to an old book, show, or song that you know by heart

I’m a particular fan of the latter. The hippocampus processes memory differently when you are rewatching or rereading. Instead of working hard to encode new information, it retrieves pleasant memories, reconnecting you with past versions of you. Your relationships with fictional but familiar characters are genuine social bonds, creating all-important feelings of connection. Redundancy, divorce, grief are isolating experiences and so finding easy ways to connect with something meaningful is a way to help you carry it. None of these suggestions solve the uncertainty. What they do is give you a fixed point, something your mind doesn't have to wrangle with, in a season where everything else requires negotiation. Uncertainty asks a lot of us. It's reasonable, even wise, to meet it by holding on to the things that don't ask anything back.

The illustration shows a selection of Miss Read’s books, my personal comfort reading.